“Stop Pretending: How Vulnerability Makes You Truly Confident”

I remember a specific conversation I had with a friend where I finally let my guard down. We were talking about a project, and I just blurted out, "Honestly, I'm so nervous about this." I braced myself for the eye-roll, for them to tell me to toughen up. But instead, they said, "Me too. I was worried you were the only one who had it all together." In that instant, it was like the air in the room shifted. We both dropped our polished facades and connected on a deeper level.

And that’s when it clicked for me: vulnerability isn’t some grand gesture; it’s the small act of telling the truth about how you feel. We all walk around with these carefully constructed masks, pretending we’re fine, assuming everyone else is, too. But the moment one person shows a crack, it gives everyone else permission to do the same. The perfect, airbrushed version of ourselves is the one no one can relate to. We only truly connect over the shared experience of being messy, imperfect, and figuring things out as we go.

Let’s be honest — progress looks so clean on Instagram, right? All milestones, big announcements, glow-ups. But real-life progress? That’s chaos mixed with small wins. It’s trying something, failing miserably, maybe laughing later (or crying a little), then somehow getting back up to try again.

I remember trying to learn a new skill, envisioning a smooth, linear path — just like those progress bars online. In reality, I was sitting in a coffee shop, wanting to throw my laptop across the room because I kept making the same mistake. I was embarrassed. I wanted to quit right then and there. I thought, "This is it. I’m not cut out for this."

But the next morning, something inside me said, "Try it again. What's the worst that can happen?" And that’s the essence of progress: it’s not about avoiding the falls; it’s about what you do once you’re on the ground. I’ve learned far more from stumbling and failing than from the times when things came easy. The wins feel good, sure, but the mess? The mess teaches you. It builds resilience you can’t get any other way.

Here’s the twist I didn’t see coming: when you start “acting” like the person you want to be, you’re not just copying someone else — you’re figuring out which parts actually feel right for you.

I went through an intense phase trying to be someone else entirely: the outgoing, charming, life-of-the-party version of myself. I mimicked body language, jokes, even their tone of voice. It was exhausting, and I felt like a cheap knock-off. I’d come home feeling hollow.

Eventually, I gave up on the act. But in the wreckage of that failed experiment, I found little nuggets of gold. I realized I enjoyed speaking up about things I was passionate about, even if I wasn’t loud or boisterous. I discovered my own quiet confidence. In the end, I didn’t become the person I was trying to copy — I uncovered the person I already was. I didn’t just find my voice; I found my own voice.

The lesson I’ve learned the hard way is this: the goal isn’t to transform into someone else; it’s to uncover the person you were always meant to be. Instead of mimicking someone else’s success, pay attention to what feels natural and true to you. The real win is finding your own style, your own voice, and your own kind of confidence. You don’t need to be them — just be more of you.

Spoiler alerts:

1. No one really connects with a “perfect” image. Real connection comes from messy, awkward, authentic moments.

2. Everyone is waiting for someone else to be the first to drop their guard.

3. Vulnerability doesn’t push people away; it brings them closer.

4. Find a comfortable, authentic version of yourself. That’s the real win.

5. Change and growth are messy — accept it.

6. Trying to be someone else won’t work; the path is about uncovering the person you were meant to be.

Related Stories